Humor

Alarm Clocks, Geeks, Hippies and the Robot Revolution

Posted in Ego, Humor, Transhuman Morality, Transhumanism on May 27th, 2009 by leodirac – 1 Comment

I'm at the Google I/O conference in San Francisco today.  It's wonderful seeing my company doing great things for the world.  Enabling people to build universally accessible applications that help people solve difficult problems together.  It gets us closer to the ultimate solution.

I'm also giving an Ignite talk.  I wanted to make it something of a motivational speech.  Encourage people to think about their own roles in helping bring about the robot revolution.  I also wanted an excuse to share some of my thoughts on how to build an alarm bed.  I'll post my slides after the conference, or at least link to somebody else who does.  But for now, I've got the credits and content licensing posted.

LHC blue-screens the world

Posted in Ego, Humor, Physics, Science on September 9th, 2008 by leodirac – 2 Comments

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for quite a while, and I figured tonight might be my last chance.  Plenty of people have been worrying about how the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) could destroy the planet by creating small black-holes that might suck in the entire earth.  As the good folks at CERN re-assure us, everything is fine.  I pretty much believe this.  That is to say, I’m pretty sure LHC will not destroy all life as we know it.  Pretty sure.  Otherwise, we’ve all got a few more hours to live.

So long as my buddy Stephen Hawking’s theories about black holes are true, we’re fine.  They’ll dissipate by themselves and will not suck in the planet.  But to be clear, we are testing this theory.  (I just heard a scientist on the radio trip all over himself as he tried to spurt out a believable
"there really is no chance these black-holes will devour the entire
earth.")

Last year I wrote about a then-briefly-popular idea that all the world we see is actually a computer simulation.  (Pointless personal anecdaote — I had this idea in grade-school and tried to marry it with special relativity’s universal speed-limit in terms of a primitively digitized simulation where exceeding the speed of light would cause objects to skip pixels during a single time step.  Anyway.)  It’s all as if our whole universe is a game of The Sims on some hyper-intelligent alien teenager’s computer.  In a fairly religious way, this idea is unrefutable.  It’s like a virtual machine trying to hack its host operating system.  Can’t do it.

Some theories of simulated worlds hold that what we experience is a simplification of real physical laws.  If this is true, high-energy experiments like LHC could probe the limits of these simplifications.  It could cause an exception to get thrown in the simulation code.  Us clever scientists set up some extremely complex scenario that caused one of the simulation’s assumptions to fail.  What happens when the simulation crashes?  Maybe it’s a dialog box saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore."  Maybe it’s a universe-scale Blue screen of death.  Teenager’s response?  Maybe Abort.  How different is that from our whole planet getting sucked into a black hole?

Don’t panic.

Spinning Spaghetti Monster

Posted in Ego, Hacks, Humor, Seattle on August 10th, 2008 by leodirac – 1 Comment

Last week I went to a different kind of Dork Bot meeting here in Seattle called the Catastrophic Cacophony Workshop.  It was a maker-style event where we broke up into teams of people and in 90 minutes had to build a robotic musical instrument out of one supplied motor and whatever other parts we could scrounge together. 

Our team started with the basic idea of a repetitive percussive instrument with multiple hammers hitting multiple objects.  So we constructed a platform to hold the motor and used tennis rackets to make a rotating frame that held a series of arms that struck objects as they went around.  We then built frames to hold up things like pot lids or copper pipes to be struck, and attached everything from small chains to bundles of spaghetti to the rotating frame to strike them.  The real enabling insight came from the women on the team who realized that by spacing the arms un-evenly we could create an interesting rhythm.  The one-two-and-three rhythm across a variety of instruments ended up sounding much like a drum circle that actually got people dancing.

Thanks to Espressobuzz for capturing our creation on video.  Thanks to Josh Kopel for bringing the event to Seattle, and Shelly Farnham for organizing.  And to my wonderful teammates whose energy and creativity made the Spinning Spaghetti Monster possible.

Why Evolution Runs Backwards in the Refrigerator

Posted in Cooking, Economics, Evolution, Humor on July 19th, 2008 by leodirac – 4 Comments

Reverse Evolution in the FridgeEvolution-like processes exist in many places beyond genetic adaptation of biological species.  We see similar processes in a great many aspects of modern life, generally running many orders of magnitude faster.  Much of economics and business is governed by processes that select for the most successful product or business model or manufacturing process or organizational structure.  Successful practices thrive and out-compete ones which are less effective at meeting human needs and desires.  Warfare has very obvious parallels.  In computer science, user interfaces, programming languages and system architectures all evolve by analogous processes.  Similar effects can be found in governments, religions, cell phone design or city planning, just to name a few more.  The basic idea that human choices lead to faster propagation and increased presence of BETTER STUFF can be seen almost everywhere.  Except in our refrigerators.

Open your fridge.  If you’ve lived with that fridge for a while, there’s a good chance it looks something like mine does.  Shelf upon shelf of half-used bottles and jars of long-lasting meta-foods.  Condiments, salad dressings, jellies, beverages, chutneys, nut butters, salsas, pickled vegetables, etc.  We expect our fridges to be full of food, so this doesn’t in itself challenge the evolutionary principal of selection.  But taking an inventory shows that there is a strong bias towards foods we don’t actually like.  In fact, the typical selection process for foods in our refrigerators tends to concentrate foods we don’t like, thus running backwards to what should intuitively evolve towards a selection of our favorite foodstuffs.  But for a couple very understandable reasons, that just doesn’t happen.

Consider salad dressings.  Most of us like to have some choices when we’re topping our raw vegetables.  So when we’re at the store, we don’t just buy the one salad dressing we like, but will often try a new variety.  There’s a documented psychological principal called Variety Seeking that encourages diversity in buying because people want to explore different choices.  But what happens when we buy a variety we don’t particularly enjoy?  Like that orange blossom vinaigrette or the honey mustard that’s just a bit too thick and sweet.  We try it once, form an opinion, and the next time we have salad we go for the old-reliable Goddess dressing.  So it lingers.  But we don’t throw it away.  Because there’s nothing WRONG with it.  Besides, one day when we have guests over they might prefer a syrupy honey-mustard dressing.  Or maybe we could dip chicken knuckles into it or something.  Plus the combination of preservatives, low-temperature and food that doesn’t promote bacterial growth in the first place means it can stay edible for years.  So their continued presence provides some small marginal benefit of choice.  The only real alternative is throwing them away  (which makes us feel guilty) since there’s no secondary market for used condiments.

Beyond choice, they do provide marginal benefit in terms of ballast for heat capacity.  Refrigerators run more efficiently when they’re full since there’s a larger thermal mass which is more stable.  But this assumes the fridge has ample space for the food that is being cycled through and consumed.  In many households the need to find space for food you’re actually going to eat creates a selection pressure to remove such undesirable foods.  But the door of the fridge is a niche environment that isn’t very well suited to large, short-lived main courses and thus things like eleven different varieties of mustard tend to thrive.

What’s the take-home lesson here?  How do we fight this scourge on our pallets?  Actually I don’t think it’s that big of a problem.  When we need space in the fridge, we find it.  But otherwise we collect things like Mang Thomas All Purpose Sauce, and pickled cherry peppers.   If clutter bothers you, resist the temptation to try something new and stick with something you know you’ll use.  Heck, get a really big bottle.  Or look for similar reverse-evolutionary processes in your medicine cabinet, liquor shelf, or office supplies, and be conscious that you have the power to change things.  Or just accept that sometimes human nature tends to concentrate our surroundings with things we don’t actually like.

Homework assignments: Count words not pages

Posted in Education, Humor on March 11th, 2008 by leodirac – 1 Comment

As I draw my graduate educational experience to a close (tonight is the last class of my MBA!), I’d like to
send an open suggestion to all educators who ask their students to
produce written assignments.  Let’s assign essays with a required word count instead of a page count.  I’m
guessing the page count is a throw-back to days when some students
hand-wrote their assignments.  This was true for me in high school 20
years ago.  But today, turning an essay written in long-hand is
unthinkable.  Professional writers and editors usually consider the
length of a document by the number of words, although "column inches"
is still common in newspapers.

All modern word processors make
it trivial to change font size, margins and spacing, making it possible
to fit almost any number of words onto a page, from tens to thousands.
But instructors are probably expecting 250 – 400 words per page.  Some
of my instructors have gone so far as to specify that essays should be “6 pages, 1 inch
margins, 12pt Times Roman font, double spaced.”  Wouldn’t it be easier
to just say “2,000 words”?  Every modern word processor has a word
count function.

Aside from being simpler, it allows students to focus on writing great
content rather than getting the content to fit on the page.  I’ve had
to turn in essays with really ugly papers because it was the only way
to fit all of my ideas into the specified page count.  And educators
who aren’t completely explicit open themselves up to students gaming
their assignments.  In college we had a phrase called the “Courier
Transform” (rhymes with Fourier Transform) which one would apply to a
paper that didn’t meet the necessary minimum page count for an
assignment.   By switching to a fixed-width font, we would boost our
content to meet the required page count.

Foster Business School

Posted in Business, Humor, Seattle on November 6th, 2007 by leodirac – Be the first to comment

The UW Business School recently got a name: Foster.  Michael G. Foster to be exact.  Although just "Foster" is perhaps more fitting since 3 generations of the Foster family have contributed to making this possible.  Just how much does it cost to get a prominent business school named after you?  About $50 million.  Here’s how it went down.

It all started way back in 1928 when Albert Foster graduated from UW Business School.   Not too long later, he founded the brokerage firm A.O. Foster & Co. which was successful enough to enable his family to get into the philanthropy business.  Albert’s son Michael G also attended UW Business school.  Michael G died a few years back and his relatives wanted to honor his memory some how.

Balmer Hall, the building which currently houses the UW Business School is mercifully scheduled for demolition almost as soon as I graduate next year.  The plan is to build three new buildings.  The Foster family intended to name one of them after Michael G, but after seeing the architectural plans thought that maybe one building wasn’t enough to honor his memory so the discussion expanded to multiple buildings and next thing you know they were asking the same question you did.  We can pretend the conversation went something like this.

"How much for 2 buildings?"

"That’ll be another $10 mil."

"How much to throw in the whole school?"

"$50 million is what we’ve been saying all along."

"But we already gave you $3 mil to name the Albert Foster Business Library.  How about we give you $46.5 and we call it a deal?"

And so it was.  It’s good to know that Foster Business School is built on rock-solid negotiating skills.  :)

In all seriousness, it’s nice to see philanthropy with few strings attached.  I hear "generous donors" are often really demanding in how their money is spent.  But not here.  They even released the naming rights for the individual buildings back to the school to help offset more of the construction costs.

Overall I must express heartfelt thanks to the Fosters.  I’ll be proud to earn my MBA from Foster.  I already like it better than UWBS.

Want to read more?  Visit the Foster Business School on the web, or read what a professional information-disperser wrote about the transaction.

Microsoft’s 3 levels of Technical Support

Posted in Humor, Tech Industry on June 11th, 2007 by leodirac – 1 Comment

A fair bit has been written about a security fix for IE that Microsoft pushed out about a month ago — the now infamous KB931768 fix.  This security fix has a bad habit of making IE unusable for a lot of people, particularly Vista users, because of problems opening the "navcancl" file.  A couple of coworkers and I have had a slightly different problem.  For us, as soon as we open IE, we get a file download dialog asking what to do with the HTML file that it should be displaying, and IE shuts itself down instantly upon answering the dialog.

launching IE7

This variation of the problem isn’t covered by Microsoft’s KB article on how to workaround the KB931768 problems.  I had good luck uninstalling the hotfix.  (Start -> Control Panel -> Add/Remove Programs -> Check "Show Updates" -> Windows Internet Explorer -> Security Update for Windows Internet Explorer 7 (KB931768) -> Remove )

[Update 6/12: I spoke too soon.  Last night, Windows installed the hotfix again and IE is back to broken.  My IT department advises shutting off auto-update.  Nice.]

One of my co-workers who was having the same problem went through the MS tech support stack and was told to re-install Windows.  I love it.  MS has 3 ways of dealing with any software problem, and having been spending the last couple of weeks wrestling with Earthlink’s attrocious customer support I’m imagining 3 tiers of support staff to deliver this message:

Tier 1 support: Reboot your computer.  Did that fix your problem?  Okay, let me transfer you.  Please hold.

Tier 2 support: Re-install the application in question.  Did that fix your problem?  No?  I’m very sorry.  Please hold while I transfer you.

Tier 3 support: Re-install your operating system.

The last one is pretty much guaranteed to work since by the time you re-install the OS and all your apps, the computer looks nothing like what you had before.  Because of this, very few people are willing to go through with it.

Apologies for the downtime

Posted in Humor, Technology on April 24th, 2007 by leodirac – Be the first to comment

The house where my nameserver lives lost power today.  I’ve moved DNS service to a professional hosting service to avoid similar problems in the future, thus continuing the trend of moving services into the server cloud.  It’s probably best since the server closet at that house is also the laundry room.  When we set up that house we understood something few MIS folks do — computers really love warm damp environments.</sarcasm>

Anyway, sorry for the inconvenience.  Everything should be back to normal in a few hours.  (If you’re reading this, it almost certainly is.)

Ignite Video on Geeks & Hippies

Posted in Humor, Seattle, Transhuman Morality, Transhumanism, Uploading on March 10th, 2007 by leodirac – Be the first to comment

The nice folks at Ignite posted videos for the rest of our talks from the second Ignite night, including my presentation on Why only Geeks and Hippies can save the world.  Watching it, I see that it’s a lot rougher than I remember.  The text as I intended to deliver it is available here, which might be a bit more coherent.  Anyway, here’s the video:

 

Enjoy!

The Power of Community: Stick Figures in Peril

Posted in Humor on January 20th, 2007 by leodirac – Be the first to comment

It’s thing like this that make me love Flickr: The Stick Figures in Peril Photo Pool.  Demonstrating the unbridled power of internet community…